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Switched on!

July 9 2008 by Vicki 33 Comments

Today, my cochlear implants were activated.

It has been the most amazing day!

The activation process

I met my parents at the hospital, and we waited together in the waiting room. They were talking and I sat there in isolation, as usual. The minutes ticked on and we were finally called in half an hour after the appointment time.

However, it was All Good™. The audiologist, Roberta, introduced a man who was with her as Gregor from MED-EL, the company who makes the cochlear implants I have. It turned out that I was the first simultaneous bilateral implantee with MED-ELs that they’ve done. So Gregor had set up a couple of systems for Roberta that apparently would ultimately speed up my appointment anyway.

Roberta explained what was about to happen, then she and Gregor checked the strength of the magnet. They decided it was ok, though later they did have to change to stronger magnets.

We started with the left ear.

First a quick test was run to make sure all the electrodes were working ok. They were! Then, one by one, Roberta activated each of the twelve channels. She slowly increased the volume until I could hear the beep and then continued to increase it until it was at a “loud but comfortable” level.

Just this small exercise was delightful because as we moved along the channels I was hearing the beeps of frequencies it had been many years since I’d heard at all.

Then Roberta activated all of the channels for the left ear at the same time.

There was no overwhelming rush of sound as I’ve read in some other switch-on accounts, but I heard some high pitched tones, then Roberta started to speak. Each word sounded like a high pitched beep. When I told her so, my words also sounded like high pitched beeps. Now, I knew not to expect too much at first but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed in case that was as good as it was going to get today…

But Roberta then increased the overall volume gradually and I started to hear some lower-pitched tones too. Eventually I began to distinguish words. That was such a relief and so, so amazing!

We repeated the process with the right ear, and I seemed to have a lot more extraneous “noise”, both high- and low-pitched, with the right ear. But as the volume was increased, the clarity of the words was probably better than with the left ear. Weird how these things work.

Then, Roberta turned both processors on at the same time. After a bit of balancing the difference of volume between the two ears, I was understanding speech at least equally as well as before the implants. I still need to lip read, and I don’t catch everything, but I can hold a conversation. How amazing is that?

Getting used to sound

In addition, there are other sounds I hear that I didn’t hear before. I noticed the car indicators ticking as I left the hospital — it’s a long time since I heard those! I couldn’t resist putting on a CD as I was driving to work, making sure it was playing a familiar song — but too much, too soon — it sounded awful and far from discerning a tune, I couldn’t even tell that there were notes! The singing voice sounded a bit like an old vinyl record being played slooooooooowwwwwwly. Dreadful! Although I had hoped, I wasn’t too disappointed because I had always known it would be unlikely I’d be able to listen to music straight away.

At work, it was great to be able to converse again, however awkwardly. Just as previously, with hearing aids, I found any conversation stressful but I was so excited about my “new ears” that I chattered away to a few people. Someone commented that I was speaking faster than usual but I told her that was probably just because I was excited! Neil said it is noticeable that I speak more quietly now. Apparently that is a Good Thing™ because everyone could previously hear every single word I said.

Who woulda thunk it?

The weirdest thing was to sit at my computer and click with the mouse — and hear a click! I had no idea that a mouse click actually made a clicking noise — who woulda thunk it?

The sound was to both delight and annoy me all afternoon!

Music

When I left work, I decided to persevere with the music thing, and put the same song on the CD player that I’d tried earlier. Imagine my total shock when the introductory notes filtered through, and then I heard the words being sung. It sounded awful — tinny, with buzzing and beeps that are no doubt a meaningful part of the music but my ears don’t know that yet, and as with hearing aids, I couldn’t understand most of the individual words — but I could hear it! I was fighting back tears as I was driving. I never expected this on the first day of sound!

I tried some of the other tracks and I did have better luck with some than others. Some I still couldn’t make out the tune, even though I knew it. But others sounded relatively wonderful and I was just over the moon.

Totally awed

As soon as I got home I pulled out my violin (I just couldn’t help myself!) which I hadn’t even attempted to play in the last two weeks of silence. I started to play, and that sounded terrible too, of course, yet — it didn’t. Whatever my hearing levels, my fingers and my bow arm know what to do, and I found that if I focussed, I could hear the notes and distinguish the tunes and… I was totally awed at the tones. I could hear the resonance of the vibrato in a way that I don’t remember ever hearing before, though once I must have. I played piece after piece, and despite all the ugly sounds in there too, just loved what I was hearing.

Winding down

Andy and Connor came over for dinner and the conversation flowed smoothly for the first time in two weeks — no need for a pen and paper now! I still do have to look at people’s faces and speech read — I don’t know what they’re saying if I can’t see their faces, but I do at least know they are speaking, which is new to me. I never dared to dream things would be this good so soon.

Andy and Connor left quite early and I was glad because the speech processors had been hurting the still-healing wounds behind my ears for a while, and I really wanted to take them off — even though I was so tempted to take my violin out again. If the musical CD experience was anything to go by, each time I do things it will sound better and better.

To know it can only get better from here is a wondrous thing!

Filed Under: Cochlear Implants Tagged With: activation, cochlear implants

Day 1 back at work

July 7 2008 by Vicki 4 Comments

Today I returned to work, 11 days after my cochlear implant surgery. I had expected to go back sooner, but I can’t say I’m sorry I had that extra couple of days off (longer, including the weekend) than planned.

I walked into my office to find two huge, plastic ears on either side of my keyboard. I would have worn them, except that would have hurt my still-healing wounds…

The day was a little bit challenging and frustrating, as expected. Understandably, people were interested, if not concerned, to know how I went with the surgery and recovery. I had to keep saying, “I can’t hear!” More often than not it then became a case of people asking, “You ok?” with a questioning thumbs-up sign. And a nod when I said “Yes, fine thanks!” Not exactly stimulating conversation. :-)

It would be horrible if no one was the least bit interested — but there’s no doubt it was awkward and stressful in a way it wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t been at work! Though of course that could be said of lots of things at work!

However, Neil (my manager), whiteboardophile that he is, was in his element, scratching away at my whiteboard at regular intervals throughout the day. “What are you working on today?” he asked, before I had even logged in to my computer. Hrm…! No really, it was good to have some “conversation”, such as it was. Not being able to communicate isn’t a lot of fun.

I took some time out this morning to go to Charlie Gairdner hospital to get one last staple removed. It was somehow left behind when the GP removed the others on Friday afternoon. What a relief when that was done! It was all taken care of very quickly with no waiting and I was in and out of there in about 5 minutes. Excellent!

Despite the little break, it was still a long day and by afternoon I was feeling somewhat drained and icky and longing to lie down — but then again, I am a bit of a wimp!

I did find it frustrating not to be able to hold a conversation, and what with everything, I wasn’t terribly productive. Fortunately for me, Neil said he was fine with me leaving work earlyish, so it wasn’t as long and trying a day as it could have been.

Only one more work day to get through before activation. I may not be able to understand speech right away but at least there will be sound. :-)

Filed Under: Cochlear Implants Tagged With: cochlear implants

Silence

July 4 2008 by Vicki 4 Comments

Before the cochlear implant surgery, out of all the things I was mildly apprehensive about, probably the stand-out concern was how I’d manage in the two weeks after the surgery, but before switch-on. I knew that in this time I would have no hearing at all.

I am not afraid of silence. In the last few years, I’ve been profoundly deaf without hearing aids anyway. When the hearing aids were out, I had very little sound. I’m used to having my hearing aids out when home alone, both for comfort reasons and because I find it stressful to “sort of” hear noises and not be able to identify them. I would start to worry, and when you start thinking “What if…?” it doesn’t take long to get really scared. Who needs that? So the hearing aids stayed out and what the ear doesn’t hear, the mind doesn’t worry about. :-)

No, it’s not the idea of silence that bothered me: I’m used to that. But I’m also used to being able to put my hearing aids in my ears when I do want or need to communicate with others. I was a bit uncertain how I’d manage for two weeks without being able to communicate aurally.

The reality has been quite interesting. I’ve found I do “hear” sounds. I know I have no hearing, but there are certain times when I expect loud sounds and it’s like my brain is filling in the gaps it knows are there. Sounds like my dining chairs scraping on the tiled floor, or the toilet seat lid banging shut. I’ve learned to anticipate them, and sometimes I could swear I heard them!

Also, my speech. I can’t hear myself! I know I am not talking in a monotone, but how do I know? I can’t hear it. But my brain clearly expects those inflections to be there, and I think my speech sounds pretty normal, except I have no idea of the volume. I’ve been hushed once or twice. :-|

And it was quite funny (to me!) to find myself humming. I can’t hear myself hum, yet I was humming a tune. And I’d bet anything the tune was in tune! Because I could hear it in my mind, and my brain knew what to do. It is so natural for me to hum as I go about daily life.

And communication? Ah. Much as I expected. Family has been really good about writing things down for me and it’s a nice feeling that they want to include me. But there’s still so much I miss out on — even more than “usual”. That is both frustrating and isolating.

Helen Keller, probably the world’s most famous deaf-blind person, said:

“Blindness isolates us from things; deafness isolates us from people.”

The isolation is why I so badly wanted cochlear implants.

However I know well that it’s only temporary so I don’t let it get me down. I am just waiting for switch-on on Wednesday, July 9.

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Filed Under: Cochlear Implants Tagged With: cochlear implants

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